Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
