dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
