I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Boobs speak an international language.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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