Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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