I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
