If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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