Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh god it's open bar.
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