she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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