he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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