The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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