the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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