Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
