you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize