I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
