Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
