I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish you could order shots online.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My liver just had a heart attack.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
