Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You made out with two different species that night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
