I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i now understand why vodka
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Text me some of your sweat
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