I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
