I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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