dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
