all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You pole danced in your parka.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
