I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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