i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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