you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
