Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize