I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
