shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so let's talk penis.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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