Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
