its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
