dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
