i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
