I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my shit smells like andre
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
