Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
