I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
