My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
