The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
