Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
