And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
40s are totally the cure
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
