I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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