yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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