I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
