Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
