I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
