The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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