you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
