You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
