My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
