How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I supernannyed him into submission
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
