Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
