I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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