planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
