Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
