I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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