He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
