I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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