We're facebook friends in real life
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
