You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Mom said you looked used
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
