He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
