my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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