Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
