Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
