She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
