Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My dick has a subreddit
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
