carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
