I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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