i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
