First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
