either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
