I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize