I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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