My sheets look like a crime scene.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
