he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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