I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
