9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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