I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
